Half an Orange Head

Today was full and wonderful and fulfilling moments. Jane R sent me a joke today that is the best I've heard in ages. A quick Googling suggests it may not be that new (at least a couple of years), but that's not the point. It goes:

"A man walks into a bar. Half his head is a giant orange. He walks up to the bartender and says, 'I'll have a pot of light and a double scotch and water thanks.'

'Sure,' says the barman, and starts pouring his drinks. 'But - and I hope you don't mind me saying - I couldn't help noticing half your head is a giant orange. What's up with that?'

'Well,' the man says, 'that's quite a story.'

He pulls up a bar stool, downs his scotch, and begins. 'A few weeks ago I got a call from my auntie. She wanted to know if I could come over and help her clean out the attic. I was just watching the cricket, so I figured I might as well. I show up, and she tells me she wants everything out of there: anything I want, she says, I can keep.

'So, I've been fossicking around in there for about half an hour when I find this lamp. It looks pretty sweet - perhaps an antique - so I figure I can clean it up and flog it off on ebay. I pull out my hankie and give the thing a bit of a rub and - what do you know! - a genie appears!

'"You have freed me from the lamp", he tells me, "and consequently, you have three wishes"

'Well, you could have knocked me down with a feather. Anyway, I pull myself together and come up with my first wish. "I want a wallet," I tell the bloke, "with a million dollars in it, and whenever I spend some of it it just fills up again."

'Just like that, kapow, this wallet appears, and in it there's a million dollars.'
The man pulls out the wallet and puts it on the bar. It's massive.

'Boy, was that a mistake,' he says. 'This thing weighs a ton. Ever since I got it I've had terrible sciatica, and most of my money goes on chiropractors.

Anyway, enough about that. For my second wish I said, "I want every single woman I meet to fall in love with me". Again, what was I thinking? Look around this place.'

The barman does. Every woman in the bar is sitting and staring at the man with the orange head. It's not a very nice bar, and they're not very nice women.

'Y'see? Everywhere I go this happens. Walking past primary schools has become a legal impossibility. Anyway, as you've probably guessed, around now the genie says to me "And what would you like for your third wish?"'

'And I say to him, my third wish? For my third wish I'd like half my head to be a giant orange.' "

(Photo by textileseahorse)